The joy of holding a brush in front of a canvas – I forgot how much I enjoy this.
I don’t know if this happens to you as well, but I tend to forget how much I love the physical act of painting, if I don’t do it for a while. Time passes, I do other things, some creative, some less, and I forget how much I need to paint to feel alive.
I really have to make an effort, force myself back to the canvas, rearrange my studio, dust off colours and brushes. But then, when I start I question myself, why did I ever stopped?
I don’t know the answer. It happens regularly, so I think I need the time off as well. Take time to re-gather thoughts, ideas, images.
Sometimes I do it on purpose. When I feel the inspiration is going, I put everything away and threat myself to never paint ever again.
Usually the moment I put the colours and brushes away is the moment I want to paint more than ever, and sometimes I go back to it right away.
This time has been a bit different, I’ve started questioning my creative choices altogether, doubting they were the right ones. I felt trapped by this choices, I felt cornered by my own choices, the fact that I’ve concentrated everything around the Creatures, while at the beginning they were supposed to be just one of the elements.
I’ve also felt inadequate, started comparing myself, but mostly my art, to others, more successful artists, realising that my art doesn’t seem to fit in what is considered now fashionable, sellable.
I’ve started painting because I loved it, it’s always been something that I had to do, I didn’t really choose it, it was always with me. But you get to a point in your life when if you want your talent recognised, you want to be known and you want some financial return.
This hasn’t happen yet.
But I’m started to think that it’s mostly because of my approach to the art business. Because I’ve always shied away from the public, because I’ve always had contrasting ideas about it.
So I needed this time to make sense of all of this.
And I think I have finally come up with a decision…
Back to the canvas.
